Standing at a pedestrian crossing, I suddenly found myself wondering: What do I actually want for myself?
Not what I’m supposed to want. Not what looks good on Instagram. Not what everyone around me is doing. Just… what do I genuinely want?
We’re at such a strange age. An age where you’re expected to have your career figured out, know who you want to marry, know where you want to live, have savings, and have a fiveyear plan while simultaneously being told to “live in the moment.”
And sometimes I wonder if I genuinely want half the things I’m chasing, or if social media has simply convinced me that I should.
I want to travel. But do I want to travel alone? Or do I want someone beside me someone who makes the journey feel even more special? I want a beautiful life, but sometimes I can’t tell whether I want my version of a beautiful life or the version I’ve seen a thousand times online.
I think about love too. About choosing a person. About family. About whether two people can really grow together without losing themselves in the process.
And then there’s this strange pressure to have answers.
What am I doing with my life?
Where am I going?
Who am I becoming?
Am I doing enough?
Maybe God doesn’t give us everything at once because we’re not meant to have everything at once.
Maybe some things arrive only when we’re ready to hold them.
Maybe life isn’t about having everything figured out.
Maybe it’s about walking through the uncertainty and still believing that, somewhere along the way, things will make sense.
Still, what an absolute bullshit age to be in.
Old enough to understand how complicated life is, but young enough to still feel like we’re figuring everything out.
Some days I feel like I know exactly what I want.
Other days, I’m just standing at a pedestrian crossing, waiting for the light to change, wondering what the hell I’m doing.
-Muskan
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